why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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