no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
