do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
