I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
