so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
