im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
