WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
