I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
