I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
