that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
