watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
