Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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