hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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