Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
