just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
