eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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