3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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