Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
