Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
