I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
