we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
