I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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