Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
