Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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