Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
