I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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