Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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