Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
this is an emotional support booty call
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
