grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
