If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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