when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize