We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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