it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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