and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
