Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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