She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
