it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
