More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
