A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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