I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
