Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
