I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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