Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
