Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
