Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
