You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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