I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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