Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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