It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
