my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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