Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
