Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
