the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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