Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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