Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
