Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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