Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
