I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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