I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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