if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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