shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
