just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
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