So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize