i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
