What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
