i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Randomize
