i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
