I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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