I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
