it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
