i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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