Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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