a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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