I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
