so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Randomize
