"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
