At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
PANTIES FOUND
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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