I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
