every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
