Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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