its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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