I accidentally had phone sex last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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