somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
